不再

比一個人還更一個人的感覺大概是這樣吧
如果defence mechanism正運作
可能有一天不會再說話
大家都高興大笑的時候去遠處的角落看看
她正在一個唱歌找尋平安的叮嚀
她正獨個兒在逛街找尋可購買的安樂

大家都過得好嗎
沒有像去年一樣祝賀大家
好嗎
快樂過嗎

defence mechanism

Level 2 Defence Mechanisms
These mechanisms are often present in adults and more commonly present in adolescence. These mechanism lessen distress and anxiety provoked by threatening people or by uncomfortable reality. People who excessively use such defences are seen as socially undesirable in that they are immature, difficult to deal with and seriously out of touch with reality. These are the so-called "immature" defences and overuse almost always lead to serious problems in a person's ability to cope effectively. These defences are often seen in severe depression, personality disorders. In adolescence, the occurrence of all of these defences is normal.
These include:
Fantasy: Tendency to retreat into fantasy in order to resolve inner and outer conflicts
Projection: Projection is a primitive form of paranoia. Projection also reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the undesirable impulses or desires without becoming consciously aware of them; attributing one's own unacknowledged unacceptable/unwanted thoughts and emotions to another; includes severe prejudice, severe jealousy, hypervigilance to external danger, and "injustice collecting". It is shifting one's unacceptable thoughts, feelings and impulses within oneself onto someone else, such that those same thoughts, feelings, beliefs and motivations as perceived as being possessed by the other.
Hypochondriasis: The transformation of negative feelings towards others into negative feelings toward self, pain, illness and anxiety
Passive aggression: Aggression towards others expressed indirectly or passively
Acting out: Direct expression of an unconscious wish or impulse without conscious awareness of the emotion that drives that expressive behavior

Level 3 Defence Mechanisms
These mechanisms are considered neurotic, but fairly common in adults. Such defences have short-term advantages in coping, but can often cause long-term problems in relationships, work and in enjoying life when used as one's primary style of coping with the world.
These include:
Displacement: Defence mechanism that shifts sexual or aggressive impulses to a more acceptable or less threatening target; redirecting emotion to a safer outlet; separation of emotion from its real object and redirection of the intense emotion toward someone or something that is less offensive or threatening in order to avoid dealing directly with what is frightening or threatening
Dissociation: Temporary drastic modification of one's personal identity or character to avoid emotional distress; separation or postponement of a feeling that normally would accompany a situation or thought.
Intellectualization: A form of isolation; concentrating on the intellectual components of a situations so as to distance oneself from the associated anxiety-provoking emotions; separation of emotion from ideas; thinking about wishes in formal, affectively bland terms and not acting on them; avoiding unacceptable emotions by focusing on the intellectual aspects
Reaction Formation: Converting unconscious wishes or impulses that are perceived to be dangerous into their opposites; behavior that is completely the opposite of what one really wants or feels; taking the opposite belief because the true belief causes anxiety. This defence can work effectively for coping in the short term, but will eventually break down.
Repression: Process of pulling thoughts into the unconscious and preventing painful or dangerous thoughts from entering consciousness; seemingly unexplainable naivete, memory lapse or lack of awareness of one's own situation and condition; the emotion is conscious, but the idea behind it is absent
Sublimation: Transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behavior, or emotion; acting out unacceptable impulses in a socially acceptable way; refocusing of psychic energy away from negative outlets to more positive ones; sublimation is the process funneling the unacceptable into social useful achievements. Sublimation is instrumental to developing culture and civilization. Psychoanalysts often refer to sublimation as the only truly successful defence mechanism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_mechanism

day dreaming

沿著你背影
遂場夢搜畫
小心你的神情被攝下
只想驗證像你的戀愛家
其時脈搏急促過吧
就算剎那芳華 過眼煙霞
重重迷霧視野蓋著雪花
曖昧 純屬我虛構吧
難道心動還會假
曾經 發生過感情
發生過不能推翻的許多事情
呼天不應 還是有一秒溫馨
為我去指証 發生過感情
發生過不能假裝的一些反應
無法經營 難道你敢說只因已亂性
曾經 發生過感情
發生過不能推翻的許多事情
叫天不應 留著記憶裡風景
為我去指証 發生過感情
發生過不能假裝的一些反應
無法經營 原來你在不確定時候 已盡慶
沿著你背影 遂場夢搜畫
盡情讓空想 進化

話兒

好耐無見的viv說她現在都
'always speechless in front of crowds.'
我說 ' you are not speechless,
you actaully speak with your eyes, just don't want to speak out.'
現在我們都以靜制動學習說對的話
接受正確的話兒
打出和閱覽正確的字詞
今晚我和christy談天
和工作伙伴談天


真的, 人貴自知記住保持淡淡然

蚊子

牠叮著這裡一整晚

我告訴林哥以為這是facebook上的icon

哈哈哈哈

由我9:00開始直到現在1:14

what are u doing here?

knock knock.

糧餉

有幾樣物品很想擁有
1/ i.t. boots, black leather military style
2/ zara biker
3/ lomo Diana+camera
4/ books fm pageone
5/ pj harvey 's album
6/ 美芝garment
7/ sammi's cheng concert dvd
8/ little xmas gift for everyone
9/ sushi dinner with tomi
10/ nice hair cut

這是什麼

fashion designer coordination officer
想講d mud?




即係悶野lor

有前無後

不會往後看 最重要看通了 不一定要多數服從少數
不會想不開 至少有人確定我不是白痴膚淺的
今年年尾我不會回想2007會定下明年目標一一實踐

謝謝貓骨
我記起小學老師在紀念冊給我寫的:

a friend in need is a friend indeed

簡單吃

時時不在家又不在家吃飯，這陣子下班後長途跋涉走去湯美家變成了白英奇tutor，
下班後工作休息時間縮短，吃飯的時間都縮短，但很有趣的，冬天他最喜歡和我去吃艇粉,，我想只有香港仔先有的。喜愛吃艇粉十足香港仔格調，艇家定時定候在指定岸邊泊船，兩公婆自家形式，男的後勤女的落order 算帳，通常等十分鐘便有得食。
味道和整體感覺很像在爸爸家鄉吃的街邊湯粉，很重的古月粉味配合口感粗糙的河粉，可以點配燒鴨叉燒紅腸等還有我最愛的chicken wing，盛裝在公雞碗，十五大元。
可以買回家吃，可以站在旁邊吃，或者像其他人一樣，
一個去買艇粉一個就在小艇旁邊的公園找一張小圓桌或石梯安頓好，然後一起慢慢的吃之後閒聊的閒聊休息的休息。

我很喜愛吃艇粉，比起60元一碗日本拉麵或者79元的意大利粉，
我就是喜歡香港仔艇粉。

捱一捱

捱番1, 2, 3年,望前景可以樂觀一點,說實的ot不是我大敵, 放多點時間多點心機多點得著,
學與人相處不能太自我又不能沒有自己,學工作上的點滴慢慢進步, 學衣著打扮培養作為設計師的眼光, 工作辦事明智三思, 經一事長一大智, 見工後有感, 香港大學生時時身價行先真正付出行後有時候利慾薰心, 很多大老闆其實只望員工真真心心踏踏實實有心打份長工做到好幫手

望你找到好工望你找到好人

experimental life

最近發生了許多, 看到很多, 工作繁忙大家都忙,
千奇百怪的大事情連鎖發生, 中間的來龍去脈自己最清楚
只怪我還不夠堅強, 人堆中最易傷心最易生氣,
可是, 坦白的機會愈來愈少了
一個來電的問候, 一餐簡單的晚飯, 一段短促的相聚時間, 義意重大
或許你的週圍正在不斷擴闊, 我縮小了縮小了, 你的肩膀借給別人了
就連說話的機會都要乞討回來嗎

這種實驗性的旅程正式開始

blind mountain

ines 說:
just watch a movie,
ines 說:
feel so sad, feel like crying.
ines 說:
i'm glad that i'm living in my world.
ines 說:
i may cry sometimes,
ines 說:
actaully i cry easily,
ines 說:
but i didn't see her crying, i see what is to live.
ines 說:
though this is a movie
ines 說:
i should always believe how fortunate i am. i should not cry
ines 說:
though this is a movie
ines 說:
i could see the real exitence of those tragedy, like her..
ines 說:
could be worse then her.
ines 說:
i hope someday,
ines 說:
i can do something.
ines 說:
unlike the audiences sitting next to me.
ines 說:
i hate that i have seen them laughing during the movie
ines 說:
please
ines 說:
don't laugh, u are lucky.
ines 說:
trust me, you are lucky.

今天應該很高興

可能開心得太早 但是我真的很高興
湯米: 高唔高人工先
媽媽: 阿囡 少說話 多做事
妹妹: 咁你可以成日返屋企啦
貓骨: 我有朋友做過, um.. .. ..
好朋友: 洗唔洗又上大陸先

我會冷靜 我會冷靜 慢慢傾

我暈倒了太多好音樂太多聽不完的快樂了很高興
miss margaret 說:my fd told me that she sent an email to KOC's vocal yesterday,
he replied, saying that in march will come to china

drexfable

今天下午很充實，德發牛丸，萬點迷，initial cafe，drex fable，
不得不說，我很久沒有去drexfable了，過去工作的時候我差不多下班有新貨的時間都到店舖和她們談談，了解去貨情形，老實說無論如何我都熱心於這工作，今天去到店舖，店舖沒有我和其他ex同事的氣息，他們的設計又走回去他們的路向，好不好會不會大賣我不知道，但我很高興他們做回自己，便價布料copy cat style 沉悶的購物氣氛，我眼見2group女孩輕輕略過然後走出店舖，我想，他們成功了，祝你們一路順風。一定會是initial的competitor。

我打工3份視工作和伙伴為人生中重要1 part和過去的公司關係良好，從來沒想到自己會因工作傷心，我確實曾經受不住打擊，但想一想，我是員工為公司過份著意都很多餘，如果我們都不是他們重要的伙伴，或者屢炒屢請好像可以填補過去的錯失，但良好合作關係成功的公司始於誠信穩健，有靈魂的設計和店舖和工作人員是要累積的當大家還年輕的時候，衝動任性以氣用事光陰還容許大家亂七八糟自己'握'自己，但工作多年的人把自己的誠信品德作賭注時，多謝，你會一拖三連本帶利輸金錢輸聲譽輸時間輸最重要的-由衷的開心快樂。

祝你們快樂

the whitest boy alive

我一向都是kings of convenience 的忠心支持者，不經不覺都有五、六年，他們的音樂起原自他們自自然然方方便便一起創作的感覺，我會說他們是a quiet guitar harmony是new acoustic又是synth pop正如web site介紹他們般。我無論高興或平靜或傷感，一聽到他們的結他和和唱，就覺得自己坐在巴士上的上層最前的坐位跟著巴士奔馳，又或是imagine自己開住車聽住koc的歌，每次都是這種感覺，好老套但我所要和所感的就是如此，其實除了koc自己出碟，當中的erlend øye 都是techno pop的創作人，前後都出了幾隻dj-mix大碟，很高興昨日無啦啦找到他最近和兩個男子合作the whitest boy alive一張大碟dreams，聽到他的歌曲有點koc但比koc dancy，不過這張碟好正好正又可以餵飽我飽到今個月月尾。




毫無疑問，“Dreams” 是今年indie 界的 acoustic synth 傳奇 (hmv 碟評) (yeah)

又哭醒

昨夜各種怪夢纏擾，睡在一個極荒誕的漆黑中心，在黑色的大海釣魚，在憂暗的大陸地方和怪人吃很難吃的飯菜, 直至夢到太陽照常升起的很多情節，然後我不停哼著周韻演的單親母親在尾段站在火車上不停重複說的那段說話的話音，我由熟睡中哼著哼著哼著，發出的音量把湯米吵醒，應該在我還沒有清醒過來的時候，我繼續哼著那段話音，

.....莎.. ......別害怕，我們.....來啦.....太陽... ...來啦... ，....
我忘記了那段話的字詞，我就像哼唱一首歌般哼著大概十多次，然後哭起來，

"傻瓜，發惡夢... ..."，最後我知道自己哭醒了。

原來明天放假

我都不知道明天是假期，這陣子都忘記了很多，忘記了上班的壓力早起的鬧鐘聲下午的午餐下午茶時間下班ot還是要閃速離開，還有deadline， timetable，很多有關數字數量的都離我遠了，我的規律變成了早起跑步沒有了吃飯可能是咖啡三文治或晚飯，什麼時候做這做哪，大概是過一回兒吧，大概幾天後吧，大概啦，我有時間，哪怕。 唯一最上心的是還書的deadline 和各album的"b"oy"t"alk進度，跑步的分鐘長短，計算這樣子的限期如果很快完成畢竟是最痛快，和妹妹吹水呀，和好朋友週圍閒逛，和舊同事咒罵舊公司，自己煲碟，哪怕我超時一千二百分鐘，本小姐有的是時間，當然，我都很想有新衝擊快點新開始，但我這陣子enjoy到原來明天是紅假都不知道，下星期假期繼續，哪怕。

妹妹狂稱讚flickr中的女孩sexy 迷人如果做自己個女友超正 ，我反而覺得如果自己個女友或男友唱得出勁lum歌聲會仲正, 早期miss了一張很好聽的album就是以下這首歌的原唱者的大碟，有心人自己找出來，開首幾首太像過去的album 但原來我誤會了，很慚愧，人家莫大進步我卻望而卻步，so sorry，我最愛的一首舊歌，她的90年代album仲正:

sick, tired and homeless

with no one here to sing for

tired of being weightless

for all these looking good boys

you can always say my attic has its charm

you can always say you did no major harm

you can always say that summer had its charm

and that you did no major harm

oh, spare me if you please

sick, tired an sleepless

with no one else to shine for

sick of all my distress

but I won't show I'm still poor

you can always say my attic has its charm

you can always say you did no major harm

you can always say that summer had its charm

and that you did no major harmoh, spare me if you please

symptoms are so deep

something here's so wrong

nothing is complete

nowhere to belong

symptoms are so deep

I think I'd better stay

here on my own

so spare me if you please

就這樣

還會因為生氣去生氣嗎?終於不會了,得知了其他的同事都找到了工作, 由衷的感到歡喜, 當大家都知道我的近況, 都不會再因而驚訝, 因為什麼都會發生都有因由, 大家沒有批判我我都知
如果長大意味住種種的不知名的challenge我想我是熱切的等待住這一切, 不同的人和事; 不同的說話; 不同的轉變, 我不會再說我怕了, 就像某某教授某某的生活態度, 遇到什麼都要保持淡淡然的心情, 講一下: or.. gum ja ma, 我正在學習由衷的保持淡淡然

良久沒有撲向過鼻來的午後的飯香氣味 好香好香

this is the song

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

i am definitely watching the movie ,once

this is ines

times wait for no one

xanga,
blogger,
flickr,
facebook,

what else could we have?
facebook + blogger
blogger + flickr
?
facega
xangaickr
?

看了電影

我的時間

我停了下來
我沒有氣力了 但我會繼續走
如果你看見我自己一個人閒逛哪兒閒逛這兒
不要叫我 我不想看到你們
讓我走
這是我想要的時間

坐在朗豪坊與咖啡一起
突然聽到范曉萱的新歌和新mtv
如果你聽到我不停的跟著她唱
不要叫我 讓我唱
讓我重複的不停的細語的唱
這是我想要的時間

如果人死會留名我肯定我的離開就是黑板上的字句
一刷洗後 灰燼只會落在階磚石縫之上

期望

人人期望可達到，我的快樂比天高，
人人如意開心歡笑跳進美夢尋獲美好；

塔羅

不相信自己的時候我前幾天去了廟街玩塔羅，最主要問卜有關工作的一切，占卜師是一位男士如果他不是幫我占卜，在街邊看見他他應該是我見慣的一個手機推銷員，不過同事說出他有相當的可信性因此試一試。

總體來說他分析我現在的工作心情我的專注力正在縮減壓力上升同事離職短時間之內除非有新下屬加入否則對工作的熱誠會下降公司在這一年保持平穩08年尾有顯著進步，我轉工會有較佳環境但都會對應相同的壓力，即是話他說中同事離職其他都是看我如何看待面對，不過他令我學曉如何分析身處的狀態再learn to make decision。玩左好過無玩。

我的分析:
如果我可以接受的上司以賭博話語字眼與我溝通，如果我的research base是yahoo知識，如果每個season 的evaluation是在開季之後，如果老板不僅英語，如果... ....長期身處於低窪狀態，i think i am not the designer i want to be and not able to suceed.

the dream goes on and on and on and on ... ...

從她唱no doubt的don"t speak,　直到現在出個人大碟，都很喜歡她硬朗保持住女性嫵媚的個性，唱得超級連氣和超快，以前時時咪她的歌詞，spider web，dont speak，簡直首首都曉唱，今日在她的concert好多歌都不十足十曉唱有點quilty不過我其實喜歡dont speak時候的她，以前band sound feel不似依家做到只有clubbing時爛醉時先聽到。不過今天看見她的真人聽她唱orange county girl我差點感動得哭得出來，想起以前很多時間聽歌的少女日子想起因為夜晚的channel V喜歡上她，想起以前的屋企，

不過今日it's the first time i watch concert with u, thanks, though u were sick today, still thanks
$280 ticket but in $480 area!
this is summer is started from nouvelle vauge ；ended by gwen stefani。

i have no idea how i can get on.

i have no idea how i can get on,
if work can be this heavily lend on my back, why can't i be free.

i told u i'm stressed, but u do not trust me,
i need relaxation, but u do not trust me,
in your eyes,
i see your pain,
but in my pain, could u see me?

sometimes, i do not believe that there is long lasting love,
but sometimes, i see it is bright enough for me to walk through and follow the path with u.

i am always relying. relying on your performance and your ways to live with me, sorry.

i dream a lot lately

i dreamed a lot lately, the house in saikung: i saw little girls playing with me, there was a huge swimming pool with laughters and funs, there were party girls and party boys hanging out in the car park. the scene has changed. but, how i miss the past.

i dreamed a lot lately, my sch mates in ghs: i met my sch choir again, there was a small red roof at the top of our sch building, they practiced with anger and sorrow, i danced behind the piano, where no one could see, i was contented with my elegant performance and the classic outfit. how i miss the past.

my beloved song to start

我愛上一道疤痕
我愛上一盞燈我愛傾聽 轉動的秒針 不愛其他傳聞
我愛的比臉色還單純 比寵物還天真
當我需要的只是一個吻 就給我一個吻我只愛陌生人
我只愛陌生人
我愛上某一個人 愛某一種體溫喜歡看某一個眼神 不愛其他可能